Approach with caution?

Approach with caution?

Approach With Caution?

 

Do you feel wary of bringing up the subject of menopause, around other people?

 

The last couple of years it seems like it’s ‘everywhere’.

Books, tv programmes, podcasts, social media, news articles. Many women tell me that it’s great the information is getting out there, but they’re actually quite overwhelmed by it all.

It’s not just the amount of information available to us.

 

I’ve noticed a huge change in the conversations about menopause, since I first started studying this in 2014 and then menopause coaching in 2016.

Many women tell me stories about how the increased visibility in the media has made it easier to talk about it with friends.

 

These conversations can increase awareness and curiosity, which is great, right?

Whilst it doesn’t always follow that this leads to increased acceptance, or even being able to solve all your own problems, it can certainly help with one of the most common issues that people tell me about; the feeling of loneliness that can surround this profound life transition.

 

For every woman who tells me how much it helps to talk about it, and the reassurance they get from that, there’s an equal number of people who say “I don’t know how to bring it up. I don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t want to be judged for it. I’m afraid of being put on the ‘past it’ pile”

(not my words btw)

 

I find it frustrating but unfortunately, very understandable.

There’s still a lot of stigma and misunderstanding around this part of our lives. Particularly in workplace and career settings.

 

I get it, of course. We’re not all the same.

Not everybody wants to talk about this part of their life, and that’s okay of course.

I’m certainly not saying you should or need to.

I’m saying, you have a choice.

In whether you want to or not, and in how you talk about it.

From my experience with guiding people through this thing of ‘talking about menopause’ – in group workshops, small and large group settings, where the women attending could be complete strangers, or friends, or colleagues, or just members of the same group or club – I’ve noticed a few things that I’d like to share with you now.

About what works well, and what doesn’t, for it to be useful for everyone involved. Let’s get into that now…

 

 

1.) Have you ever felt concerned of being judged harshly, or pigeon-holed, of being overlooked for promotions?

Or having to face some kind of backlash for your choices or your personal experience – even with friends?

Did you know there is workplace law to protect you from many of these pitfalls?

Whilst we don’t have a ‘menopause law’ not yet anyway, there are protected characteristics, age and gender being part of that.

 

In the UK, ACAS provide fantastic free help on this – check it out if it interests you.

The other thing is, you don’t have to share much to feel supported, particularly in a small group setting.

Many of my small-group clients have mentioned how relieved they felt to be able to say ‘oh gosh me too!’, they were just waiting for someone else to start the conversation.

This is regardless of whether it’s a conversation between colleagues or good friends.

 

 

2.) Starting the conversation could happen in a thousand different ways (it doesn’t need to be painfully awkward!)

You could mention an article you’ve read and ask if anyone else has seen it.

You could mention a particular thing you’re doing at the moment, or something you’ve recently become aware of.

I remember one lady who had a few one to one sessions with me, saying that she’d started the conversation at work by saying how much more energetic she was feeling, now she could sleep through the night and wake up feeling refreshed.

Eventually the conversation came around to energy and why sleep commonly goes awry, and the role of menopause in that.

 

‘Talking about menopause’ doesn’t necessarily involve divulging very personal information or pushing yourself towards awkward vulnerability.

You get to choose how much you share.

 

 

3.) If you’re feeling uneasy about bringing up the conversation of menopause, you’re definitely not alone in that.

Employers can be just as anxious about approaching this topic as employees, there can be pitfalls for both parties.

That’s why it can be really useful to bring in a specialist, to provide a general ‘introductory session’, to start off the conversations in a way that is inclusive for all.

This is one of the services that I provide (of course you knew I was going to say that!). It can be a one-off or a series of events either in person or online, to suit your needs.

Did you know the current statistics show one in ten women will leave a job due to menopause, resulting in potentially huge upheaval for both employer and employee.

It could be so easily avoided by providing some support, so that women feel valued and comfortable in their workplace, and are able to continue in their careers.

 

4.) Sometimes there is is a concern that by introducing the topic of menopause, some people may be offended.

The old myths and misunderstandings surrounding menopause and midlife are just that, old and outdated, but they can still be hurtful to some.

You’re right that it does need to be approached in a sensitive way.

Trying to avoid upsetting people by avoiding the conversation completely, doesn’t solve it.

Not everyone is ready to talk about it, not everyone will want to, and that’s okay.
Some people really do struggle, so it can be tricky to know where to start.

 

I’ve built up a ton of knowledge and expertise in coaching over the last ten years, so I feel qualified to say that one of the most helpful things you can do for anyone (even if you’re not sure if it is menopause they’re struggling with), is to listen to them.

You don’t need to have all the answers but you do need to know how to listen really well, and without judgement.

 

 

5.) Talking about menopause is more than a chat about HRT.

In fact in my experience as a coach I would go as far to say that talking about almost anything in your life, as a woman at midlife, is talking about menopause!

 The changes we go through, it’s not just a ‘biological event’, it’s a whole body/mind transition, our body and brain are going through a major reshuffle (or kerfuffle? you decide!) – of course it’s going to affect each of us differently.

On that note, don’t assume it’s going to be an entirely ‘negative’ conversation.

 

Sometimes laughter and jokes can hide the struggle or embarrassment, but there is also genuine joy to be found – without making us the butt of the joke (have you read my blog on the Ten Best Things About Menopause, yet?)

Some of the most common topics in my workshops and group discussions don’t always sound like they’re directly about menopause, but they are…

 

Stress, confidence, motivation, relationships; they’re all indirectly or even directly affected by what’s happening at menopause.

 

Bottom line is; there’s no rush or pressure to go in at the deep end – whether you’re with friends or at work. 

I advise that you aim for connection (the basis of support) – you don’t have to share every physical or mental ailment to do that.

6.) For many workplaces, there is often an existing framework around ‘mental health’ or wellbeing at least.

This can be the ideal stepping-stone for talking about menopause.

After all, it commonly affects not just physical health but mental health, too.
Plus, it’s no longer acceptable to write this off as a ‘woman’s problem’ to deal with on her own. The more inclusive conversations we have, the better.

 

I’ve been invited to many workplaces and mixed groups where it was recognised that everyone needed to understand more about all this, they just didn’t know how to go about it.

How do you go about it?

Well, as discussed above, pick any starting point.

It could be about mental health, or menopause, or any other aspect of health. Be aware that menopause crosses over into many areas of health – it’s not all about hot flushes and HRT.

 

In a workplace situation, let the conversation move towards some of the more practical aspects, as appropriate.

For example, what can an employer reasonably do, to help support their female staff? -well, as it turns out, there are many answers to that and it doesn’t have to include huge budgets and policy changes if you’re not ready for that yet.

There are some really simple and effective ways of increasing awareness, replacing myths with helpful advice, and improving the capacity for conversation and support overall. 

Get in touch if you want to know more.

 

As you’re likely aware, menopause can touch so many aspects of our lives.

It’s not a disease to eradicate, it’s a part of our lives that we need to be acknowledged by those around us, in a respectful way.
If you’re looking for help or advice in this area, get in touch here.

If you’ve not yet joined my online community – Finding Yourself In Menopause – then check out the link below.

We are available to all women who are seeking reassurance not just information.

Ten best things about menopause

Ten best things about menopause

The 10 best things about menopause

Yes really.

 

Menopause has for too long been characterised by the words ‘loss’ and ‘decline’.

 

I want to push the pendulum the other way, to point out what you can gain – in a great way – from going through menopause*

 

*results may vary.

Of course, we all go through our own individual experience.

With this blog, I’m intending to highlight what can go really well for us when we’re acting on our needs – physically, mentally, spiritually.

I’m writing this from some personal experience (currently at peri menopause) but mostly from the hundreds of conversations I’ve had with clients.

 

1.) You become your own Wise Woman, the Elder. Nobody can dispute the wisdom and life experience you’ve gained.

 

2.) More fire in your belly on what really matters to you and what you’re willing to let slide (or not slide) – no more nonsense, lots more fortitude!

 

3.) You can ditch the patriarchal driven values that say our usefulness to the world is attached to youth and an ability to bear children. At menopause, we can have unequivocal say over our own worth, and we express it however we choose.

 

4.) You know who you are, what you need, what you want and what you’re capable of. It’s driven by curiosity rather than a need to please or fulfill the requirements of others.

 

5.) Stronger friendships and sisterhoods, as you find the people who really get you, and who you really want to be around.

 

6.) For those that require contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, you can look forward to ditching them! (please still practise safe-sex though)

 

7.) Plants. You gain loads more house plants. A near obsession with house plants (or is that just me?!)

 

8.) You end up adapting and amending your boundaries to reflect who you are, now. Physical, emotional, mental boundaries. It’s easier to say ‘no’ or ‘let me get back to you’ – far easier than ever before!

 

9.) You gain even more self respect, as you review who you’ve been and all that you’ve been through. Along with thousands of moments to practise self compassion and kindness.

 

10.) Freedom from periods, and period products, the dreaded leaking and the worry that comes with perching on a pale coloured sofa.

 

What would you add?

If you’re reading this and feeling annoyed, pissed off or wondering why you’re missing out – get in touch.

I’d love to send you some further support and guidance – send me an email here and tell me what you need help with.

If you’ve not yet joined my online community – Finding Yourself In Menopause – then check out the link below.

We are available to all women who are seeking reassurance not just information.

Do this instead of meditation

Do this instead of meditation

If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, generally not feeling great mentally or emotionally – what do you do, to shift it quickly?

[June 2023]

There’s a lot of advice out there in the world of health and wellness, as preventative strategies.
Things you could choose do to help take a side-step around anxiety, emotional rollercoasters, low moods, irritability.

For example.. eat for blood sugar regulation, do what you can to support sleep, engage in different types of meditation or mind-body activities that feel soothing.

 

HOWEVER…

What about IN THE MOMENT, when it all gets too much?
When you’re irritable and upset, anxious and overwhelmed?

When the freedom of being able to choose is hijacked by the primitive part of your brain, so you might feel really stuck…

What then?

I’m not going to suggest protein and fibre in those moments. Or meditation apps.

Or supplements that we know are supportive of brain health!

‘In the moment’, even if that lasts a few hours or a whole day,
you need a way to move through those low feelings. 
Because I promise you, it will shift again.

How can you make that happen, so how you feel doesn’t derail your day?

When you’re starting to spiral within yourself, when it’s overwhelming and upsetting and you just feel lost in all those feelings that start to resemble despair…

There’s TWO things you need to do,

and it doesn’t matter which order you them but I do want you to do them as soon as you can.

1.) Tell someone how you’re feeling

Tell someone you trust will hear you, even if they don’t exactly relate or know what to do. Being there to listen IS helping.
I encourage my clients to write a post in our community. Or to send me a message.
Say it in three words or three hundred. Whatever you can.

It’s important you break the feeling of isolation.

2.) Move

Move your body, try to avoid staying still.
It could look like… going up and down the stairs a few times.

Or circling your shoulders whilst standing up.

Swaying from side to side, looking around the room as you twist your body.

Or 10 jumping jacks.

Or a walk with the dog, any dog lol, that starts slow and then gets a bit faster.

Or it could be lying on the floor, bringing knees to chest and back down again, stretching your arms overhead.

All the other helpful things, like what you eat, how you exercise, supplements, what you do for sleep etc

they’re all great, are still worth the effort and DO work. 
(you know caffeine and sugar exacerbate stress, low moods and low energy, right?)

The helpful preventative strategies, the benefits of lifestyle choices are running in the background, and sometimes you need something now, in the moment. 

It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you as such, and perhaps how you’re feeling is a reasonable response to other things happening,

but you do need to do something differently to move through it. 

 

There’s no single ‘right answer’ for this, and the two things I’ve shared above have come from years of helping not only myself but hundreds of other women, too.

 

This is a topic we frequently revisit in the Finding Yourself In Menopause, online community.

If you’ve not yet joined my online community – Finding Yourself In Menopause – then check out the link below.

We are available to all women who are seeking support not just information.

Soulful strategies for hormonal balance

Soulful strategies for hormonal balance

Nurturing my adventurous spirit to increase resilience in menopause. 

I feel it in my soul, even on the dull rainy days. 
It’s not just about ‘getting a bit of fresh air’. Not for me, and I doubt for you either.

Being in nature lifts me up in a different way than an afternoon on the sofa (which I also love to do at weekends).
It speaks to my adventurous side, and cultivates a source of strength that I don’t think I’ve fully leveraged, yet.

Of course, there’s the practical element of ticking another job off the list.
Like taking the dog for a walk. Posting a letter. Or just getting the steps in.

But there’s another layer to it, which I’m noticing as more and more essential to not only me but for every 40+ woman I speak with.  Women who feel a bit lost, on the inside. Feeling the hormonal shifts and not always liking who they’re becoming. 

I’ve been at that place too; not feeling comfortable in my own skin. Wanting to either go back, or press the fast-forward.
Either way, not enjoying who I am. Never quite feeling content with myself, never really feeling enough.
I still have to be careful even now, that I actively reject the compulsion for comparionitis. 

When I look ahead now, towards my upcoming peri-menopausal years, I know there’s a part of me that’s been waiting in the wings, that I know will help me through. 
I’m making the effort to take on peri-menopause as an adventure, thinking of myself as an endurance athlete going all-in, for life. 
I’m not referring to myself as an athlete in terms of exercise – I mean, my approach to life is about taking on the long-game, not a sprint. Not a quick fix.
I know it all sounds a bit whimsical but give me a minute and you might understand where I’m coming from.
It might just help you, too.

Being outdoors gives me perspective, a different kind of outlook that helps me to make decisions – from what to have for lunch, to what I want the next 12 months of my life to be about.
It’s not just about feeling the sun (or the rain!) on my face, it’s not always about slowing down and breathing deeper, either. 

Sometimes I’ll find my mind racing with ideas when inspiration hits. Or I’ll step away from my desk in frustration, and surprise myself with a surge of confidence when I come to it later.
Clarity comes to me with a backdrop of big skies. Decisions feel easier to make, and I’m somehow more willing to trust my own mind. Have you ever felt that?

I could talk to you about the hormonal benefits of being in nature; for managing stress hormones, improving my cortisol curve for better energy and sleep, encouraging calming progesterone to have it’s say.
The benefits of oxytocin from the connection to myself and others. The ‘getting away from it all’ even just for a few minutes, as decompression from screen time and my dopamine filled brain.

Whilst I love all the science behind it, sometimes intuition and personal experience feels a stronger pull.
Even if n=1, when you’re the ‘one’, then how you feel is every bit as valid as any science report.
It’s more than simple common sense, being outdoors gives a deeper feeling of nourishing myself from the inside out.

Going further with this idea of adventure, and looking to my clients past and present… I see that every single one who came to me under a cloud of anxiety, low confidence, emotional outbursts at home and work… they all felt better, mental health symptoms lifted, physical problems were alleviated, by cultivating this feeling of adventure.

It isn’t always outdoors, but it is always about rediscovering and then exploiting your own boldness, my clients (and me!) often surprising themselves with it. Like trying out a new hobby, or joining a new fitness class.
Saying no more often. And feeling more in control of what happens, when they say yes.
It almost always snowballs and the results are often huge.

Trusting themselves more, small decisions create new experiences.
The elusive mojo returns, there is renewed energy, a sense of purpose reinvigorated, more hope and faith.
I often feel like I’m speaking to an entirely different woman from just a few weeks before.

For me, I’m encouraging my own adventures in a similar way (not all of them outdoors);
to explore new friendships, grow my own herbs, learn a new piece on the piano, go back to a childhood hobby, weekday picnics, walk barefoot, wild swimming.

No matter how small, these new experiences feel exciting to me, they give me focus outside of my problems and struggles. Not in a way to distract myself from my worries, but to encourage more from myself, to inspire myself and to be inspired by others and things around me.
It feels so warm and welcoming to recognise these glowing embers inside me.

Doing something adventurous, even if to someone else it sounds laughable, it feels to me like the antidote to anxious thoughts and middle of the night ruminations.
It directs my thoughts, pushes at my own boundaries and reminds me that I’ve much more to give, much more to feel.

I want to continue feeding this part of me that feels so attuned to the natural world around me, it feels such an important observation of myself.

Have you ever stopped or slowed down, to think deeply about yourself like this?

What did you find?

If you’ve not yet joined our online community – Finding Yourself In Menopause – then be sure to check out the link. It’s available to all women who are feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what to do, to feel more in control again.

And if you’re ready for a private chat, to have a one to one consultation to find the solutions to feeling more like yourself, just click the link below to get in touch:
http://www.angiegarton.com/contact-us/

September 2020

 

There are more than two characters in your menopause story. Can we talk about that?

There are more than two characters in your menopause story. Can we talk about that?

Menopause is not just a conversation about ovaries and oestrogen.

[May 2020]

It’s also adrenals, thyroid and digestion, testosterone, insulin, cortisol, HGH and more.

And most importantly, there’s YOU – who you are, and all of the other things going on in your life right now, right in the middle of it all.

You are MORE than your hormones!

If we only talked about ovaries and oestrogen, we’d be missing out HUGE pieces of the jigsaw puzzle.

The very same puzzle that brings you back to you, the real you underneath all the hormonal crap.
You’re still under there by the way.

Yeah, I’m well aware of how confusing and overwhelming it sounds, but don’t reach for that search engine just yet!

All the women I’ve helped so far (I lost count in the hundreds), all found their symptoms were improved by taking some action on a ‘base’ of:

  • Drinking more water than anything else
    Even if you end up drinking coffee later, let’s at least set the intention for more water.
  • Taking practical steps to improve sleep quality
    I know you don’t want to hear it, but the bedtime habits really do count!
  • Appropriate exercise
    Not all exercise is ‘right’ for every woman
  • Eating for hormonal balance
    Instead of fixating on calories or weight loss, the latter comes as a nice side-effect when we do the above
  • Doing some ‘life laundry’ and addressing stress
    Just start with the smaller piles that feel manageable, ok?

I’m not saying your problems aren’t bigger than this, I’m saying that if we’re really going to alleviate the layers of symptoms you might be experiencing, we need to start with the big rocks first.

It may be that along the way, we discover you need a little extra help with something. That might lead onto supporting you for digestive health, or hormonal therapy, or herbal supplements.

I’ve never met anyone who didn’t feel some improvement from fine-tuning their ‘base’ strategies, starting with the above.
Which starts to build the confidence and belief in yourself, that you have got what it takes to work on the rest.

I know that it seems a bit ‘far fetched’ for this to be true, and I know that nobody really wants to be doing it.
Drinking water and eating vegetables instead of hobnobs is BORING!
(if you don’t know how to make it enjoyable, that is)

Most people overlook the 5 points above. I’ve had clients tell me they didn’t think it would work for them, that my approach sounded too simple.

I get it.

But the low moods, sleep problems, hot flushes, belly fat, heavy periods, PMT, emotional outbursts, they really DID improve.
Take a quick scroll through this page to see what they said themselves.

Daily actions form the basis of survive or thrive. Sink or swim.
It’s the basis, not the everything. We have to start somewhere, and this is it.

Even with medication (which I’m not against btw), we can’t take a detour around the base habits.

If it sounds simple, surely that’s a reason to give a go, not a reason to dismiss it?

If you’ve not yet joined my online community – Finding Yourself In Menopause – then check it out by clicking the link below.

It’s available to all women at any age or stage of menopause.

If you want support not just information, proper answers and discussions about what really matters to you, here’s the link:

Finding Yourself In Menopause